How I saved my marriage
by changing ME♥
Grant
me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the
courage to change the ONE I can,
and
the wisdom to know it's ME ♥
I
am so appreciative for all the awesome Facebook groups there are
today. I absolutely love my Radical Unschooling (RU) and Law of
Attraction (LoA)groups that keep my on track with were I want to be.
Recently the topics of husbands has came up in more than one of these
groups. Some on how to get husbands to agree to RU and a few on
addictions. I actually was asked directly by a few. I think that
maybe I was a little misleading in my nonchalant responses so I
wanted to do a quick post.
I
apply LoA to all aspects of my life my work, my kids, and my husband.
LoA is working in all areas of life all the time. This law never
takes a break. The principle of LoA is no different than the law of
gravity. We don”t see pigs flying one day because gravity took a
day off or some how gravity didn't apply to pigs. All the time LoA is
in constant vibration to everything because everything is
energy...including our husbands ♥
So lets apply this to our
husbands. Let's apply this to addiction right now. What is addiction?
The dictionary definition is “the
state of
being enslaved to a habit or
practice or
to something
that is psychologically or physically
habit-forming, as
narcotics, to
such an extent that
its cessation
causes severe
trauma.” Well according to this definition
ANYTHING can be an addiction. It is all about perspective and if we
are willing to let go of our control. We
must remember we are all spirits here to have human experiences. Each
one of us is here to have our own experiences including our children
and our husbands. We have no right to force our beliefs or
experiences onto anyone else including members of our family. Our
mind and body are one. If we do not have balance in our minds we
cannot have balance in our bodies, this is true with addictions. Once
upon a time I smoked and quite but my husband choose to keep on
smoking for awhile. He also choose to drink among other things. It
drove me crazy. I wanted to control him into quitting; I felt these
habits made him a monster in ways but in actuality it was my bitching
that made him the monster. I did not see it this way I only saw his
habits as wrong and I was going to change him into who I thought he
should be. Well the bitching and forcing made him a drunk, smoking
addict. This is all I CHOSE to see. So I started calling divorce
lawyers. About a week later I met a new friend that introduced me to
LoA and RU. She was my seed♥ I started changing the way I saw the
world, my experiences, my children, and my husband. I started reading
all the LoA books I could. About a month later I read a Hicks book
“Ask and it is Given,”which had tips and games at the end. I
started using them on a daily bases and still do today...five years
later. I also found that same week this YouTube video by Lilou Mace
on “100 day challenge.” vlogs. Her and two of her friends had
started a website where you applied LoA philosophy to an area of your
life for 100 days and did weekly vlogs on how you were doing and so
on. I loved this idea but did not do the vlogs. I don't even think I
did it for the 100 days. I think It was a matter of maybe 6 wks that
my life had dramatically changed. I had even choose to do my research
projects in my psychology classes on LoA and RU. I read another book
called the Five Love Languages. I did a paper on it for a psych
class. I had an understanding of my relationships that change the
whole vibration of our family. I discovered that one of my husband's
“love languages” was touch...well sex. We had a lot of sex. Just
not sex but my language towards him was sexual as well. It was crazy.
I could change his bad mood just with some perverted words...it was
awesome. With in the year he had quite most everything I had hated
before with out me bitching. I started to CHOSE to see all his
awesomeness. I had saved our marriage by changing ME♥
I
was asked in a RU group how could I LET my husband parent differently
than me. So I posted this...
“So
my husband is not on the same page when it comes to somethings. I
have had people ask me why I “allow” my husband to parent
differently than I do. I want to clear this up. Unschooling is a
FAMILY thing. When my husband and I got married we had most of the
same beliefs. However, I changed through yrs and yrs of schooling in
psychology and my own research while being able to apply them and
adjust. My husband is not on the same path. He does not have hrs to
research or apply things the way I do cause he works outside the home
right now. I can no more force him to parent my way anymore than I
can force my children in their path. This does not mean I just let
him beat at the kids or anything ;) We have agreed not to punish
although we have slipped out of anger sometimes and have sent kiddos
to their rooms (with tvs and games ;) instead of taking a time out
ourselves. But he is getting better everyday. We now have locks on
our room and closet filled with affirmations for parent time outs
lol. I choose to look at how far he has come instead of how far he
has to go. He went from a strict asshole that “I” didn't even
want to be with to an amazing man who has grown so very much in the
past 4 yrs. Not because HE changed but because I did. We are told to
model how we want our children to act. So if we want them to clean
joyfully we must, If we want them to be respectful we must show them
respect, this is no different for our partners. Instead of constant
bitching at my husband that he shouldn't yell, he shouldn't force
chores, etc. I must walk the talk.
Humor is huge when it comes to parenting and marriage. I leave little articles in the bathroom for my husband knowing he takes a lot of his time outs on the pot lol. My husband is um well a very sexual man hahaha. So we use a lot of sexual humor to lighten stressful experiences (lol yes I know my poor children hahaha). This is a language my husband relates to the best. So when I see him getting on the kids or stressed out I use this humor with him and it always seems to lighten his mood. I know I am going to get a lot of crap for this but I bribe my husband too. Well I don't know if it is actually bribing then a creative persuasion game; but anyways for every “mamma book” he reads he gets um treats ;).
I guess my point of this ramble is that unschooling is not an all or nothing thing. I make it my goal everyday to be as close to as respectful and loving as possible for TODAY. Keep humor in it and think outside the box. How we unschool our children applies to our partners too. Unschooling is not an overnight thing. It is an ongoing process of daily love and respect. I honestly do not believe in a “deschooling” period. Our families are in constant change as our children and ourselves are always changing and growing. We must be willing to adjust and bend with each experience of change. Unschooling is just another label. A respectful connecting partnership is my goal that I take day by day. I do not worry about making mistakes because they are proof I am learning too. I take “mistakes” as an opportunity to reconnect with my husband or children. I remember it only takes a change of though to realign with love♥”
Humor is huge when it comes to parenting and marriage. I leave little articles in the bathroom for my husband knowing he takes a lot of his time outs on the pot lol. My husband is um well a very sexual man hahaha. So we use a lot of sexual humor to lighten stressful experiences (lol yes I know my poor children hahaha). This is a language my husband relates to the best. So when I see him getting on the kids or stressed out I use this humor with him and it always seems to lighten his mood. I know I am going to get a lot of crap for this but I bribe my husband too. Well I don't know if it is actually bribing then a creative persuasion game; but anyways for every “mamma book” he reads he gets um treats ;).
I guess my point of this ramble is that unschooling is not an all or nothing thing. I make it my goal everyday to be as close to as respectful and loving as possible for TODAY. Keep humor in it and think outside the box. How we unschool our children applies to our partners too. Unschooling is not an overnight thing. It is an ongoing process of daily love and respect. I honestly do not believe in a “deschooling” period. Our families are in constant change as our children and ourselves are always changing and growing. We must be willing to adjust and bend with each experience of change. Unschooling is just another label. A respectful connecting partnership is my goal that I take day by day. I do not worry about making mistakes because they are proof I am learning too. I take “mistakes” as an opportunity to reconnect with my husband or children. I remember it only takes a change of though to realign with love♥”
Some
books that got me on the right track...
- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay (book & workbook)
- Ask and It Is Given by Ester and Jerry Hicks (part two are games and tools I have used even today♥
- Radical Unschooling by Dayna Martin
- The Daily Groove by Scott Noelle
- Respectful Parents Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson
Some
other LoA tools I use...
- Meditation
- Affirmations
- Journaling
- Vision Boards
Peace & Love,
Jen
