Life Completely: How I saved my marriage by changing ME♥

How I saved my marriage by changing ME♥

Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,

the courage to change the ONE I can,

and the wisdom to know it's ME ♥

I am so appreciative for all the awesome Facebook groups there are today. I absolutely love my Radical Unschooling (RU) and Law of Attraction (LoA)groups that keep my on track with were I want to be. Recently the topics of husbands has came up in more than one of these groups. Some on how to get husbands to agree to RU and a few on addictions. I actually was asked directly by a few. I think that maybe I was a little misleading in my nonchalant responses so I wanted to do a quick post.

I apply LoA to all aspects of my life my work, my kids, and my husband. LoA is working in all areas of life all the time. This law never takes a break. The principle of LoA is no different than the law of gravity. We don”t see pigs flying one day because gravity took a day off or some how gravity didn't apply to pigs. All the time LoA is in constant vibration to everything because everything is energy...including our husbands ♥

So lets apply this to our husbands. Let's apply this to addiction right now. What is addiction? The dictionary definition is “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.” Well according to this definition ANYTHING can be an addiction. It is all about perspective and if we are willing to let go of our control. We must remember we are all spirits here to have human experiences. Each one of us is here to have our own experiences including our children and our husbands. We have no right to force our beliefs or experiences onto anyone else including members of our family. Our mind and body are one. If we do not have balance in our minds we cannot have balance in our bodies, this is true with addictions. Once upon a time I smoked and quite but my husband choose to keep on smoking for awhile. He also choose to drink among other things. It drove me crazy. I wanted to control him into quitting; I felt these habits made him a monster in ways but in actuality it was my bitching that made him the monster. I did not see it this way I only saw his habits as wrong and I was going to change him into who I thought he should be. Well the bitching and forcing made him a drunk, smoking addict. This is all I CHOSE to see. So I started calling divorce lawyers. About a week later I met a new friend that introduced me to LoA and RU. She was my seed♥ I started changing the way I saw the world, my experiences, my children, and my husband. I started reading all the LoA books I could. About a month later I read a Hicks book “Ask and it is Given,”which had tips and games at the end. I started using them on a daily bases and still do today...five years later. I also found that same week this YouTube video by Lilou Mace on “100 day challenge.” vlogs. Her and two of her friends had started a website where you applied LoA philosophy to an area of your life for 100 days and did weekly vlogs on how you were doing and so on. I loved this idea but did not do the vlogs. I don't even think I did it for the 100 days. I think It was a matter of maybe 6 wks that my life had dramatically changed. I had even choose to do my research projects in my psychology classes on LoA and RU. I read another book called the Five Love Languages. I did a paper on it for a psych class. I had an understanding of my relationships that change the whole vibration of our family. I discovered that one of my husband's “love languages” was touch...well sex. We had a lot of sex. Just not sex but my language towards him was sexual as well. It was crazy. I could change his bad mood just with some perverted words...it was awesome. With in the year he had quite most everything I had hated before with out me bitching. I started to CHOSE to see all his awesomeness. I had saved our marriage by changing ME♥

I was asked in a RU group how could I LET my husband parent differently than me. So I posted this...

“So my husband is not on the same page when it comes to somethings. I have had people ask me why I “allow” my husband to parent differently than I do. I want to clear this up. Unschooling is a FAMILY thing. When my husband and I got married we had most of the same beliefs. However, I changed through yrs and yrs of schooling in psychology and my own research while being able to apply them and adjust. My husband is not on the same path. He does not have hrs to research or apply things the way I do cause he works outside the home right now. I can no more force him to parent my way anymore than I can force my children in their path. This does not mean I just let him beat at the kids or anything ;) We have agreed not to punish although we have slipped out of anger sometimes and have sent kiddos to their rooms (with tvs and games ;) instead of taking a time out ourselves. But he is getting better everyday. We now have locks on our room and closet filled with affirmations for parent time outs lol. I choose to look at how far he has come instead of how far he has to go. He went from a strict asshole that “I” didn't even want to be with to an amazing man who has grown so very much in the past 4 yrs. Not because HE changed but because I did. We are told to model how we want our children to act. So if we want them to clean joyfully we must, If we want them to be respectful we must show them respect, this is no different for our partners. Instead of constant bitching at my husband that he shouldn't yell, he shouldn't force chores, etc. I must walk the talk.

Humor is huge when it comes to parenting and marriage. I leave little articles in the bathroom for my husband knowing he takes a lot of his time outs on the pot lol. My husband is um well a very sexual man hahaha. So we use a lot of sexual humor to lighten stressful experiences (lol yes I know my poor children hahaha). This is a language my husband relates to the best. So when I see him getting on the kids or stressed out I use this humor with him and it always seems to lighten his mood. I know I am going to get a lot of crap for this but I bribe my husband too. Well I don't know if it is actually bribing then a creative persuasion game; but anyways for every “mamma book” he reads he gets um treats ;).

I guess my point of this ramble is that unschooling is not an all or nothing thing. I make it my goal everyday to be as close to as respectful and loving as possible for TODAY. Keep humor in it and think outside the box. How we unschool our children applies to our partners too. Unschooling is not an overnight thing. It is an ongoing process of daily love and respect. I honestly do not believe in a “deschooling” period. Our families are in constant change as our children and ourselves are always changing and growing. We must be willing to adjust and bend with each experience of change. Unschooling is just another label. A respectful connecting partnership is my goal that I take day by day. I do not worry about making mistakes because they are proof I am learning too. I take “mistakes” as an opportunity to reconnect with my husband or children. I remember it only takes a change of though to realign with love♥”

Some books that got me on the right track...

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay (book & workbook)
Ask and It Is Given by Ester and Jerry Hicks (part two are games and tools I have used even today♥
Radical Unschooling by Dayna Martin
The Daily Groove by Scott Noelle
Respectful Parents Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson